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UAE President Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayed
February 25, 2006
Editor's Note: If you understand even half this interview, please seek help from the company nurse on the 6th floor in the Human Capital Organization (formerly Human Resources Department).
PPE: Oh, hello sir. I fully expected to be waiting on you. You’re early for our interview.
KBZ: Early bird gets the worm. I wanted to seize this opportunity to find synergies with your up-and-coming news team.
PPE: Thank you for that. Americans tend to lump all Middle Eastern nations together and don’t realize the extent of the UAEs modernization – especially since you assumed leadership from your father in 2004.
KBZ: Yes, I have led an extensive reorganization and revitalization of all the vertically aligned silos in our governmental architecture to pattern ourselves around Western, and specifically, US business culture. I have personally attended many management seminars and know our new cultural mindset jibes with that of your country.
PPE: You lead an amazingly modern country. Tiger Woods has practically made the UAE his second home and I think more and more people are beginning to realize there is little to fear from the UAE maintaining our ports.
KBZ: The mindshare potential between our mutual value-add services offers practically endless bandwidth. It’s truly a win-win situation.
PPE: Now that you have voluntarily agreed to put the port deal on-hold, tensions have cooled somewhat.
KBZ: If this delay will help to cultivate cooperative schemas and act as a catalyst for paradigm shift in your government, we will remain on-board with a cooling off period for now.
PPE: You seem very calm and rational despite all the debate about your country as a possible terrorist playground. Does this bother you?
KBZ: Our mission statement precludes a value-based system that allows us to act on emotion. We’re a bottomline-oriented government that keeps our eye on the ball, our nose to the grindstone, and drives for results, no matter the challenges – or as we prefer to call them, “opportunities.”
PPE: What would it mean to US relations if this deal were to fall through?
KBZ: We’ve floated that trial balloon among our many consultants. We know that we bring to the table some core competencies in the industry that facilitate our continued marketshare strategy for the foreseeable future. We built a straw-man that envisions your contingency and feel we can maintain tenable profit margins far past that event horizon.
PPE: I know you can remain profitable, but what about the diplomatic impacts?
KBZ: We don’t believe in mutual exclusivity between our financial and political destinies. Market research has produced metrics that indicate they move in tandem. Our KPIs show distinct ROI in energizing business capital to the end of realizing political benefits.
PPE: I see. What would you say to Americans still concerned that DP World is government run and so should not be treated like privately run businesses in the West?
KBZ: Only that our bleeding edge movers and shakers continue to think outside the box. The 30-thousand foot view places all our ducks in a row with the end-game scenario realizing a better UAE-US partnership at the end of the day.
PPE: oookay. Instead of an Arabic translator, perhaps I should have hired Dale Carnegie.
KBZ: We’re engaged with Dale and network often. Net-net, I think we can tackle that blue chip for you. Unfortunately, I have a hard-stop here at the bottom of the hour. Let’s take this off-line.
PPE: My people will call your people.
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