Actor Charlie Sheen
March 26, 2006

PPE: Charlie, you’ve been quite the media darling of late.

CS: That wasn’t my intention. I did a brief radio interview and stated what tens of thousands are already thinking.

PPE: You had to know that accusing the Bush administration of orchestrating 9/11 you’d create an uproar.

CS: So be it.

PPE: What evidence points toward this conspiracy?

CS: A lot. First, the towers imploded just like a planned demolition – it was too clean.

PPE: What should collapsing towers look like after being hit by airplanes?

CS: Did you see Platoon?

PPE: Yes.

CS: Just like that! Big fireballs, steel everywhere – not a straight down collapse, but shrapnel everywhere, bodies flying, the Viet Cong spraying you with AK-47s

PPE: Huh?

CS: Think about it. Both buildings collapsed the same way – probably from explosives planted there.

PPE: Not by airplanes?

CS: Nope.

PPE: OK. What else you got?

CS: Bush sat silent after being told the towers were hit. He was in a classroom in Florida. Just sitting there, listening to children’s stories.

PPE: What should he have done?

CS: Ever seen The Three Musketeers?

PPE: Yes.

CS: Just like that! Swiftly and with great stealth, the Secret Service should have swooped in with their swords drawn and swashbuckled through the crowd, defeating all that stood in the way of the president reaching Air Force One safely.

PPE: Huh?

CS: Think about it. With a suspected terrorist plot underway, why would he sit there unless he knew about it beforehand?

PPE: Not remain calm and avoid panic?

CS: Nope.

PPE: Alright I guess. Is that the extent of it?

CS: Heaven’s no. There were lots of cameras stationed at various gas stations, hotels and banks that would have caught a plane flying into the Pentagon.

PPE: And?

CS: Ever seen Major League?

PPE: Yes.

CS: Just like that! Throwing wild theories all around the plate, this whole thing could be put to rest if the government would release all that private footage of a supposed airplane flying along the ground. By looking through those glasses, we’d see the strike zone clearly and maybe even win the pennant.

PPE: Huh?

CS: Think about it. How could an airplane skim treetops at 500 miles an hour 500 meters off the ground and directly strike the pentagon without there being more and better footage of the whole thing?

PPE: Not just held by the government as evidence?

CS: Nope.

PPE: Well Charlie, can you understand why people think you’re a little nuts and hurting the war effort?

CS: Heck, all I want to do is be the best actor possible. If I can then use my celebrity to lend a voice to conspiracy theories – great!

PPE: The best actor possible? Now there’s a conspiracy theory.

CS: What do you mean?

PPE: Ever seen Two and a Half Men?

CS: Well, yes, of course

PPE: Just like that!

 

 

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