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Purple People: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi
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Congressional Candidate Plank (I-OH)
October 30, 2006
PurpleThink interviews child star Plank – newly declared candidate for U.S. Representative from Ohio
PPE: Mr. Plank. We know your time is tight leading-up to this election, so we thank you for your time today. Can you tell me how your platform differs from that of the Republicans and Democrats? Besides, of course, that it’s made of wood.
P: (silence)
PPE: It’s refreshing to hear so little negative campaigning when I left the door wide-open for you to paddle your adversaries. Tell me about your domestic platform for the first 100 days.
P: (silence)
PPE: Am I to understand you are silent on issues such as abortion, government run health-care, education spending, and gay marriage? Let’s hear your stump speech on this.
P: (silence)
PPE: It sounds like you would leave this to states or individuals to make decisions for themselves. Revolutionary! It takes a plank to build bridges, I guess. What about income taxes?
P: (silence)
PPE: Nothing? Do you mean to say that we shouldn’t have a tax on income, but rather a tax purely what we consume? That creates a built-in incentive to save, puts billions of dollars lost on tax compliance back into the economy, and treats everyone equally based on their ability to pay. That’s against the grain thinking. Brilliant.
P: (silence)
PPE: What about ethics? Surely the Republicans need to pay for all these high profile scandals?
P: (silence)
PPE: No? You mean personal behavior should result in personal accountability? It’s unique to have a candidate without an axe to grind. Talk to me about foreign policy. What should the U.S. stance be on Islamic extremism?
P: (silence)
PPE: Ignore it? But, many would say it’s a real threat.
P: (silence)
PPE: Oh, I hear you. You aren’t saying it’s not a threat, but rather political candidates shouldn’t play into extremist hands by creating a “War Against Islam” mentality. I count many rings since the last time I’ve heard such wisdom from a candidate.
P: <creek>
PPE: Indeed. Speak softly, but carry a big stick. Well spoken. “Axis of Evil” is certainly not an example of speaking softly.
P: (silence)
PPE: Mr. Plank. Thank you – you've helped me to see the forest for the trees. This was likely the most profound interview for PurpleThink to date. Good luck.
P: (silence)
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