North Korean Dictator, Kim Jong-il
July 12,2006

PPE: Chairman Kim Jong-il, thank you for agreeing to this internet interview.

KJ: Certainly. It’s a small request I am glad to honor in such short order.

PPE: Many will be surprised that your first Western interview for some time will be on the internet.

KJ: We don’t look up to you! North Korea’s technological advances are no small feat. Your media goes far beyond little white lies about our People’s Republic.

PPE: Well, you do have nuclear technology and are furthering your missile program. The world wants to know why you insist on this program.

KJ: The Planes! The Planes! The U.S. invades our airspace almost daily. This provocation is little-by-little eating away at what little sovereignty we have left. We need to protect ourselves.

PPE: The U.S. and others feel your regime is nearing collapse and that you are simply blackmailing the West for funding to stay in power.

KJ: Small countries have the same rights as large ones to seek their own destiny. I do this not for power but for our future, one where our yutes will prosper.

PPE: Yutes?

KJ: You know, little people – children.

PPE: Oh, I see. Well here’s your chance to set the record straight. What would you like to tell the American people?

KJ:
What do you get when you mess with Jong-il?
A payload of whup-ass, you’ll get your fill
Taep’o-dongs and No-dongs we’ll make our stand
Then the world will be munchkin land

Oompa, Loompa, dupa-da-dee
If you are wise, you’ll listen to me
If not, you’ll live in misery too
Like the starving commie Koreans do

PPE: You failed to mention that you like American entertainment.

KJ: What you talkin’ about?

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