Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
February 5, 2006

PPE - First of all, thank you Your Excellency for this interview opportunity. We're new at this, and we saw from how you handled CNN that you don't take crap from anybody.

MA - You are most welcome. I wanted to reach out to the non-traditional media in the U.S. to show Iran still very much wishes to embrace the American people.

PPE - You recently followed through on your threat to cut-off all IAEA inspectors from your country as a result of Iran being referred to the Security Council. Both sides of the American political isle seem united in criticizing this action. Your thoughts?

MA – This is most unfortunate. Iran only desires the ability to engage in behavior afforded all free nations.

PPE – Critics cite many instances where Iran lied about the type of equipment imported from Russia and China, along with secret conversations with Pakistan’s rogue nuclear scientists.

MA – As I just told you, Iran only wants what you already have. We believe it is our right to say one thing and do another.

PPE – I don’t understand.

MA – How else can I say this… It’s not just Iran’s youth that embraces Western values. The mullahs, imams, and elected elite of Iran also wish to learn from the West. Take Iraqi policy for example. Because Iraq is so near and dear to us, we paid close attention to how Western leaders treated the situation. Simple Genius!!! I’m embarrassed it took us so long to figure it out.

PPE – Perhaps the translator is out-of-synch. I am having trouble with your point.

MA – Bush! Chirac! Putin! C’mon. Don’t take me for a fool. We all knew there were no weapons of mass destruction. We all knew there was no chance the French and Russians would lose an opportunity to make money on Iraqi sanctions. Yet, they said things completely opposite from what they did.

PPE – YOU said that your nuclear ambitions are purely for peaceful purposes.

MA – Yes.

PPE – So, you ARE building nuclear weapons!

MA – I didn’t say that.

PPE – But, you MEAN that.

MA – I stand by my words.

PPE – Got ya.

MA – You have me?

PPE – Just an American expression. It means I understand what you are saying.

MA – Well, since CNN mangled what I said, please humor me by repeating back what you think you heard.

PPE – You said you have plans to explore nuclear energy for peaceful purposes.

MA – Exactly – are you sure you’re new? -- You are very good at this.

PPE – Thank you, I … wait … what did you say?

MA – I said you were exactly right.

PPE – No, the second part.

MA – What second part?

PPE – You said I was good at this. What did you mean by that?

MA – Exactly what I said.

PPE – Screw You!

MA – Screw me?

PPE – Just an American expression. It means our thoughts are fastened together on this topic.

MA – Good. I would hate for there to be any misunderstanding.

PPE – Allah forbid! Thank you, sir, for your time. I wish you the best with your (wink wink) peaceful nuclear program and hope we can speak again soon.

MA – Screw you – you’re welcome.

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